Been All the Way Around the Sun Since You Left

I miss you terribly, old friend. I can't believe that it has already been a year since Kristin and I were down in Riverside for our Spring Break to visit you.

You are (I still don't like to use the past tense with you) one of the most genuine, upfront, and honest people I have ever known.

Did you know I spread some of your ashes in the Hooter's lot? hahaha. I figure you might appreciate that! You're everywhere--Kerry Park, Gasworks Park, the Sleepless in Seattle house, our old college house, and an accidental spill in my car (that just means you go everywhere I go... and I kinda like that).

there are days when I get home, sit down on my couch, and just lose it because I miss you... and wish that I could have just one more Seattle trip with you. There was no such thing as an average day with you. Everything was big, exciting, and full of life. I miss that.

Thanks for the sweet memories. I laugh more than cry when I think about you--and I think that says so much about the way you lived! I'd like to be a little more like you, friend.

Love you.

A Wake-Up Call

"Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves,
for the rights of all who are destitute.
Speak up and judge fairly;
defend the rights of the poor and needy."
Proverbs 31:8-9

Had a nice little wake up call this morning at church. We finished up a three part series about the things most important to Christian faith: Loving God, Loving Others, and Serving the World.

A few years ago, one of my best friends, Gretch, wrote something that really resonated with me. I just looked all through my computer trying to find where I saved it--no luck :( But she wrote about how Christians should be the first to be liberal. Christ was a liberal: he fed the hungry, healed the sick, helped the poor, and hung out with the outcasts. Are we not called to be as Christ was, to do as He did? How can we be people of faith and not help? Why is it that we lead our own busy lives and too easily forget about all those who need our help?

"What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save him? Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to him, 'Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed,' but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.
But someone will say, 'You have faith; I have deeds.'
Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by what I do."
James 2: 14-18

I'm going to do a better job of this.

Pastor Scott also talked about our motivations in doing good things and helping people. Our motivation is often (or occasionally) to promote ourselves--and shouldn't be. It should be a mere act of (or extension of) our faith, not something we do to get a thank you or recognition. This struck me because I was just telling my parents about something that happened on my way out of Portland last weekend. I was coming out of a full elevator on my way into the parking garage from Powell's. I got out and held the door out of the lobby open for seven or eight people. Not a single one of them even acknowledged my existence. I was slightly offended. I apparently expected something in return--a smile, a nod, a thank you... anything. I thought, "Fine... good riddance, Portland. You aren't what I thought you were... your people are jerks." But by the time I got to my car, I felt convicted for expecting anything in return for doing something nice. It just shocked me that out of all seven or eight of them, not a single one even looked at me. It still bugs me now! I really need to work on that. I should be invisible when helping people... why do I need recognition?!?!?

Anyway... these are just some current thoughts and things I need to work on.

Speaking of helping others... here's the link to help my new friends in Chile rebuild and get food and water to those who don't have it readily available after the quake(s). Follow it, if you feel led to help. If not, please at least pray for their safety and health!!!

http://iamweb.org

"Do not withhold good from those who deserve it,
when it is in your power to act.
Do not say to your neighbor,
'Come back later; I'll give it tomorrow'—
when you now have it with you."
Proverbs 3:27-28

It's about time

I finally found the courage and strength to stand up for myself today. I feel pretty good about it, but worry that I may have burnt a bridge that I'll need later in life.

On the other hand, I don't think anyone has the right to make someone feel small, insignificant, or unworthy of something. And if burning a bridge is the price I have to pay for refusing to be walked all over, I'm willing to do that a million times over.

No one has the right to cut someone down; and I finally figured out that even though it's tougher to stand up and tell someone they're treating me poorly, it's soooo worth it.

I will not be manipulated.

Home sweet Home-ish

Welp, I miss Portland.

I drove down yesterday to spend just over 24 hours with the fam. Got back a few hours ago, and I'm already ready to turn around and return to Rose City.












Highlights:

1. Last night when we got home from the Previs' (another highlight), Sam was crawling into bed asking whose turn it was to sing him to sleep. No one knew, so I said, "it must be mine then." He said okay!!! :) So I got to sing him to sleep--a privilege that not just anyone gets. This, alone, makes me want to move back tomorrow.

2. The backyard is incredible--sunshine, grass, football, Frisbee, two silly cousins to play with, a beautiful garden, sun-warmed raspberries (well not yet... but coming soon.), a giddy dog, and San and Mike. The majority of Saturday afternoon was spent sitting in the sunshine in the backyard or throwing the football or Frisbee back and forth. It was just what my soul needed--a little Portland rejuvenation.
3. Spent the evening with the Previs family. Apparently this is the first time since Chris died that the DPs have spent just alone family time with them... it was comforting. They told stories, pulled out old photo albums, planned projects, played ladder ball (or "well-hung" as Eddie calls it hahaha), and ate delish pizza. :) I can't believe that it has been about five years since they lost their mom/wife. They are such strong human beings, it moves me to tears right now.

4. Spending four hours at church this morning with some of the most amazing human beings in the world. Granted, I'm standing up for the better part of the morning--slightly painful, but worth it--but I'm in the middle of one of the most beautiful things that could possibly happen on a Sunday morning. There are about a hundred people (give or take) worshipping the Lord through liturgy--Greek song, prayer, and scripture--then fellowshipping and teaching for the next hour or so. It's very peaceful and, again, rejuvenating.

5. Powell's--the smell of a bazillion books, the sound of a thousand book lovers perusing the aisles, the feel of a worn-in paperback in my hand, the taste of delicious Portland coffee, and the sight of pure happiness in the eyes of a child who has just chosen a Dr. Seuss book from the thousands on the shelves dedicated to him-- is always heavenly.

I can't believe I don't live there... Wishing I were back in Portland right now (and not because I don't want to go to work tomorrow) or rather that I could be in two places at once. I'm pretty sure that half my heart has been torn out and stored safely in SW Portland--somewhere along SW 8th Drive. It's only when I return there that it feels whole. But... when I was living there, I felt the same way about here. I guess I belong in both places--is that possible?

Reminding Myself Why I Teach

This is why I coach (well, this is one of the many reasons). I get to be goofy with them! I get to be myself, have fun, and at the same time teach them how to be team players, better athletes, and human beings--all while doing one of my favorite things in the world: playing volleyball.

Sometimes I need a reminder why I coach... but I don't need to be reminded as often about why I coach as I need to be reminded about why I choose to be a teacher.

It used to bug me when I'd hear teachers respond to the question, "Why do you teach?" with "June, July, and August." If you're in this profession to get three months off each year, then you disgust me. Granted, it's a huge perk and I cherish every minute of my summer, winter, and spring breaks... but the time away from work is not the reason I do what I do.

Every once in a while, when I feel like I've hit an obstacle or found myself in a rut, I watch Taylor Mali perform his poem, "What Teachers Make." Follow this link to watch it. It's worth it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RxsOVK4syxU

I feel better already. (Now that I've taken a short break to browse through Taylor Mali's work on Youtube. :) )

Today at lunch we had a spirited discussion about how disappointed we are with seemingly new attitudes among certain people at work. Many of us are in a state of discontent, and I've heard multiple times over the last few months, "If things don't get better next year, I'm out."

It's come out of my mouth quite a few times too. So Portland (or Chile), get ready....

... not that it will be any different or better anywhere else. I'm actually quite lucky to work where I do. My kids can be little jerks, but sometimes they're incredibly adorable and melt my heart, and THAT is the reason I do what I do. The majority of the time I honestly don't even care about what I teach them academically (if I even teach them anything academic). I want them to become better human beings. I want them to care about other people. I want them to be polite. I want them to ask for what they need and stand up for themselves if they don't receive it. I want them to question the rules and roles that society has put upon them. I want them to want something better for their lives and have the courage to go for it. I don't really care if they know all about Romeo and Juliet when they leave my class--I want them to get a chance to grow up, make mistakes, and learn about life in the safety of my classroom. And when I get a glimpse of something like that happening, it warms my heart and gives me just enough energy to come back tomorrow.

I guess that's all that is on my mind right now. I'm frustrated with school, but had a few moments today that really opened my eyes and reminded me that I love these kids. I'd do just about anything for all of them, and it's totally worth it.

25+ Things About Me--Recycled :)

In an effort to avoid writng a letter of recommendation, I'll revise (sort of) an old facebook post.

25 things about me:

1. My parents and two sisters are probably the only people I am 100% myself with. And while I'm happy and blessed to have such a relationship with my family, I'm also sad that I'm not this way with more people.

2. I would rather be run over by a car than eat a jar of olives.

3. I have reason to believe that I skipped second grade because I was too tall, not because I was too smart.

4. After living in the Lutedome for four years, I find it very difficult not to make eye contact and smile at everyone I pass on the streets--everywhere.

5. I seriously contemplate moving back to Portland about once a week. I don't regret coming back, but I do regret leaving (which likely only makes sense to me). I felt that in Portland I could grow up into the person I've long aspired to be. Plus, you can recycle EVERYTHING there, and that makes me happy. And they have vegan tattoo shops there. Who knew?

6. Sometimes I cry when I'm happy.

7. It was a life-changing moment when I became conscious of the fact that my parents had childhoods too.



<--This is my dad's college football photo :) (It’s a remarkable revelation the moment you become conscious of the fact that your parents had childhoods too. They’re real people. This happened for me about a week ago as I sat on my parents’ couch in the house I still consider home. I was surrounded by my mother, father, and his mother and father. Grandma, in her natural tendency to bring us a package of random mystery items had—as rarely happens—extracted from her box a true treasure. As my father gently took the three inch stack of photos from her feeble hands, my mother and I both inhaled a deep breath of anticipation. This, I knew, was going to be a treat. What I did not realize was that this was the birth of a newfound appreciation for my parents as people.)

8. This may be hard for some to believe and easy for others... but sometimes the only thing that can make me feel better is to say "fuck" over and over again.

9. I once vowed to never use a red pen to grade papers and will never break that vow.

10. I cannot fathom having a more important job.

11. I will one day marry Hugh Jackman. I don't care that he's already married and lives thousands of miles across the ocean. Doesn't matter.

12. I love cooking and baking. Sometimes I bake because I'm craving something sweet. Sometimes I bake because I'm bored. Sometimes I bake because I feel like surprising my English Department buddies with goodies. Quite often I don't even eat what I bake... I just give it away. In fact the white board in our staff room reads "Meghan will always bring food for us. Always." Thanks, Adam.

13. I like to support small businesses--even if it means I pay more for something.

14. I live for word games and puzzles, but I hate the crossword puzzle in the paper.

15. I have way too many nicknames. If someone yells, "Hey, Redshorts!" in the airport ten years from now, I guarantee that I'll answer.

16. I don't know how to smile naturally for a camera (or maybe I just refuse). This is one thing that drives my mother crazy.

17. I don't eat meat. A few months ago I ordered a veggie burger from a Burgerville drivethrough(another reason I contemplate moving back to Portland) and waited till I was cruising on the freeway to open it up and take a bite. It was a turkey-bacon swiss burger. I ate it anyway, and it was delicious.

While I was in Chile, though, I probably ate more meat in those 12 days than I have in the last ten years put together. Yuck (but actually, it tasted really good!).

18. I feel creatively stifled at work. So sometimes when I come home I knit, crochet, paint, draw, make jewelry, or even just color to feel normal. Other days I just sit down on my couch and watch NCIS reruns until bedtime.

19. I have waaaay more pairs of shoes than any human being could possibly need. But when I go through and pick out a few to get rid of... I just turn around and buy a few new ones. It's sick.

20. I don't like to wear jeans, but I don't know why.

21. I taught Spanish to a ridiculously fun group of kids a couple years ago, and I remember it as one of the best periods of my life even though I had no idea what I was doing.

<--these are some of them :) 22. I wish I didn't have to write things on the back of my hand to remember them. Sometimes I write it in code so no one else will know what it means--but then I forget what it stands for. 23. I once locked my keys in the car three times in two days. That was back when I had the '71 bug--just after my dad fixed the little side window so I couldn't just pop it open and reach for the lock. (He had to drive out to PLU all three times to get it open for me. Sorry dad.) This was also Spring of my Senior year during the week of my second capstone presentation. Good times. 24. I thought about writing something about or to twenty five of my friends in this note... but then I decided against it because I'd be crying by the end because I love you guys too much to not get all sappy. So instead I wasted a loooong time trying to come up with twenty five things about me that y'all hopefully don't already know. Anyway... only one more. 25. And it's a big one. I believe that the life of a Christian should be an adventurous one. There are too many Christians who have decided that Christianity is just going to church, walking down the center aisle, turning right at the third row, and sitting in the first and second seat every Sunday (not bothering to be touched by the words, music, or fellowship). They’ve concluded that this is enough. They’re good Christian people if they do this minimum requirement—maybe even tithe steadily and shake a few hands on their way in and out of the sanctuary. But that’s not what a Christian is called to do. A Christian is called to lead a life of faith! It’s called a life of faith because we don’t know what daunting task God has around the corner for us. We can curse it (or God), ignore it, say it’s from the Devil, or acknowledge that whatever it is—good, bad, scary, fun, exciting, or crazy—it’s meant to happen to us. We MUST take that leap of faith, learn to trust God, and jump head first into whatever task he puts forth to us. I believe it happens in my life so often to simply teach me how to TRUST God. I go back to that scene in Indiana Jones: the Last Crusade when Indiana has to step out onto the invisible path stretching across a huge ravine in order to get to his destination—the holy grail. As cliche as it is, that’s the epitome of how a Christian SHOULD live. We so often have to close our eyes and step off ledges—not concretely knowing that He’ll reveal that once invisible path, nor hoping that He’ll reveal it, but having faith that if it is his will, He absolutely will reveal it to us.

Thinking Pensive Thoughts

So many thoughts... so little time. I can't even get them organized in my head, so good luck trying to make sense of what I type here.

I've got the trave bug a bit right now. Let's see, I've been to Canada, all over Australia, Chile, and many of the 50 states (this pic is from the car window in Maui). But I'm itching to go to Greece, Spain, and the rest of the Mediterranean. So there's that...

Then I start thinking about all the friends and family I'd love to go visit all around the States and across the world. Ash is in Korea; Al and Shep are in Australia; Mel and Brian are in Texas--about to move to Germany; Jenn and Garrett are in DC; Katy is in Virginia; all sorts of people are in Chile; then there's everyone in Portland; the list goes on... Today was a pretty good day at school and volleyball practice, but most days I'd rather be anywhere else than Tacoma. I better start saving up again. No more shoes=More trips to see people.

Then, speaking of friends... I cherish them. I need more hours in a day to spend with family and friends. Mom and Dad came over yesterday after church and lunch (both of which, all seven of us got to spend together; that always makes me happy) to help me put together my futon. I love a Sunday spent with family. Dad and I were 8 washers short though in putting it together, so after they left I had to go to Home Depot and buy more--along with a socket wrench set. So I got into the car and got all worked up: I hate going to hardware stores by myself. My inner feminist arouses from her slumber every time I walk into one. "No, old man, I do not need your help; and please don't call me darling. I can find whatever I'm looking for on my own." Then the realist in my fights back because she knows it could take 45 minutes to find it by myself. So instead I say, "Yes, sir. Thank you kindly for your help," and walk out of there in under 10 minutes. Ugh.

That gets me to thinking about all the little pieces of my character and personality. Some of them conflict, while others work pretty well together. I'm sure the feminist part of me was pissed that I accepted help from three different people with a sweet smile, whilst playing dumb. But the realist was glad to be out of there quickly and on my way home to finish the futon. On the other hand, the competitive piece of me (which is quite aggressive and likes to take over when uninvited) doesn't get along so well with the part of me that likes to be a team player when others take the lead.


Changing the subject completely... I was kinda missing my hair today. I'd like to be able to get it into a ponytail for practice. Speaking of... Olivia and I played with our girls tonight and it was fun. My knee is still killing me; I can't all-out run yet. So that sucks, but it was fun to play none-the-less. I knocked my knee a couple of times going after a ball... feels good. :)

Must be time to grow it out again! A few of my students tell me about once a week that they wish I still had long hair. I think they're trying to compliment me/tell me how pretty my hair is long... but it comes out the wrong way--like, "Wow, your hair looks weird short. You should grow it out again." Thanks a lot, jerks. :) They do that often. I feel like I'm teaching a class on manners and tact more than English, reading, and writing. Oh well. I'm not really there to make sure they know a lot about Shakespeare anyway. I'm just trying to make them better people one day, one lesson, one thought at a time. It's not really working... yet. Oh, freshman.

Ok, bedtime. I get to proctor the HSPE tomorrow... yipee!!!!

Maybe I should get back into this blogging thing...

It's a (relatively) beautiful Sunday afternoon in Tacoma, and I'm sitting here on my couch wishing like mad that I could be back in Lautaro... that I could be sitting on the dock behind the church looking at this picturesque lagoon and broken down, but precious boat.

I'm so thankful for having had the opportunity to travel down there and get to know the Chileans and help in whatever I could to improve the church building.

These last few weeks have been an interesting transition back to "real life" here in the States. I have a hard time adjusting back to this culture in which each of us seem to only care about our own needs and desires. I'm uncomfortable in a society in which the needs of others are not placed before our own. (Then again, I'm often influenced by this schema and struggle to follow my own convictions when it comes to helping others before helping myself.) I feel as though I need to make a lifestyle change--but I don't know where to start.

I need to get my finances in order so I can financially help those who need it. There are missionaries who need the support of people like me (who tend to spend their money on new shoes rather than compassion and ministry) to do the work of the Lord. So I guess that's step one: no more new shoes, more money to help serve.

*Note: In dealing with the aftermath of the shattering earthquake in Chile, the church and ministry with whom I was so blessed to work is in need of donations to put teams together to go into places that have yet to receive aid. They're bringing food and water to families that have not had food/water/electricity/etc for these last weeks after the quake. They could use our help. Follow this link to learn more and donate: http://www.iamweb.org/ If you can't donate, please at least pray for the people who are in need as well as the teams that are giving their time to help.

This is the church building that we worked on during our time in Lautaro. Part of it collapsed during the quake, but everyone is safe, thank God. The church members have rallied together to piece back together the section of brick wall that crumbled as well as the pieces of siding that flew off the building.

My favorite parts of the trip always had something to do with people-either from the mission team or the Chilenos. I knew my Boys & Girls Club job skills would come in handy at some point later in life :) I taught the little girls how to play "slide." I haven't giggled that hard in a long time. In doing this, I realized that there are so many things that don't need translation. The laughter of a child gets to my heart in any language.

Anyway, the trip was well worth depleting my savings account. I had an incredible time and can't really put into words the feeling that I'm left with after having experienced the people and culture of Chile. I miss it.